iLike Chocolate More
by SavySoCool
Summary: A blonde-headed demon meets a computer nerd. This can end all of two ways: with a badly bruised nerd, or with a chocolaty fantasy. Oh, wait! This story ends both ways! Seddie


**Disclaimer- Guess what? I just went to city hall and changed my name. It's now Dan Schneider! Do I own iCarly yet? NO! Then I want my name back!**

**A/N- I have no idea why I wrote this. All I know is it was on my mind, I was bored, and it's midnight. So I thought...WHY NOT? I have nothing better to do...except maybe sleep. Nah! Anyway, this story is set when Sam and Freddie first meet. It's NOT FLUFFY! But it is humorish...is that a word. Well...it is now. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Cause if you don't, I will have failed you. PLEASE ENJOY IT!**

"No way! Socks are way better than soap!" I argued with Carly, my feet propped up lazily on her coffee table. We were currently discussing which is better: soap or socks.

"How? Soap keeps you clean! What has socks ever done for-" Carly started, staring at me in disbelief. She was cut off by the sound of the doorbell ringing. Carly got up from her seat, and walked casually to the door.

As she answered it, I closed my eyes in an attempt to relax.

"How may I help you?" I heard her ask the person at the door. I drowned her out, and focused all my energy on sleeping. It wasn't that hard, seeing I did it all the time at school.

"Sam!" I jumped up, startled. When I opened my eyes, I noticed a small boy next to Carly. He was wearing a striped polo shirt and khaki's. Uggh, I hate stripes. What a nub.

"Who's the nub?" I ask nonchalantly. I was pleased when I noticed the offended look on the stranger boy's face. Carly glared at me, and I looked back at her innocently.

"This is Fredward Benson," she explained to me. I scoffed. What kind of parent names their kid 'Fredward'? Might as well stick a sign on his forehead with the words: 'I am a loser. Please beat me up.'

"Does your mother hate you?" I asked him, happy to see he once again looked insulted.

"No!" He cried, crossing his arms in an attempt to look tough. He failed miserably.

"Sam! Be nice," Carly scolded me. I seized up the boy, causing him to squirm uncomfortably under my stare. "Freddie just moved in across the hall."

I groaned loudly. "So this means I have to see him regularly?"

"Yes. Now, how about we-" she started, but was yet again cut off.

"CAR-LAY!" I heard Spencer yell from upstairs. "My foot's stuck in the air vent again. And the butter's just making it worse!"

Freddie gave Carly a confused stare. She sighed, and rubbed her forehead.

"I'll be right back. That was my brother Spencer. He's…in a predicament," she told Freddie politely. She started up the stairs, but stopped midway. She turned to me. "Please don't kill him."

"No promises," I said, plopping back down on the couch. She sighed, and left to attend to Spencer. Me and the nerd just stood there in an awkward silence. I decided to do what I do best: break it.

"You don't look good in stripes. In fact, I doubt you look good in anything," I said casually. He gave me a look before responding.

"You know, for a girl, you aren't very nice," Freddie said stupidly. I glared at him venomously, and walked over to him. I grabbed him by the collar, and peered into his dark brown eyes.

"Let's get a few things straight. First, you are a nub," I spat. He just stared at me in fear. "Second, I give the orders, and you follow them. And third, you don't complain. If you don't follow these rules, you will have to answer to my fists. Do I make myself clear?"

Freddie nodded quickly, scared out of his wits. I smirked at him, and removed my hand from his shirt. Maybe the kid isn't so bad, after all.

"What a jerk," I heard him mumble to himself.

Oh, he did not just say that.

"What did you just say," I glared at him. He looked up at me fearfully.

"N-Nothing," he stuttered, backing up. I smirked at him slightly, before punching him in the gut. He let out a surprised groan, and doubled over in pain.

"I warned you, Fredweird," I said, proud of myself for coming up with the nickname.

"It's Fredward," he said painfully. I smirked at his crippled form.

"I know what I said," I laughed before hitting him again. What can I say, he makes a very good punching bag. I kicked him in his…boy parts…and he cried out painfully. Looks like someone's not having kids when they get older. Oh well, not like he'd ever get a girl anyway.

I tackled him to the ground, and sat on top of his stomach. "Now do you understand? I am the all-supreme tyrant, and you are the lowly servant."

"Ooomph, I u-understand," he said, trying to catch his breath. I guess I knocked the wind out of him when I tackled him. Well, the nub deserved it. Call me a jerk. THE NERVE!

"Sam! Must you kill all of our guests!" I looked up, only to see Carly's angry face staring back at me. I looked back down at Freddie, and then back to her again.

"Say you're sorry," she told me, as I quickly scrambled off the boy.

"No," I stated simply. I walked over to the Shay's kitchen. "Do you have any ham?"

"Sam! This is not the time to be thinking about ham!" Carly cried, walking over to me in frustration. Freddie limped behind her, still obviously hurt. I ignored the duo and continued rummaging through the fridge. Ah ha! Ham!

"Sam, are you even listening to me?" Carly asked me. I glanced up at her, and grabbed the ham, placing it on the counter. I grabbed a fork and dug into the delightful meat-product. I closed my eyes in preparation for the savory pork, and bit down on…air. Where was the ham? I opened my eyes.

Carly stood before me, holding the ham away from me. "Sam, you will get back the ham when you apologize."

I looked at her, then back at the ham. I made an attempt to grab it, but she held it out of reach. Well, this sucks.

I tuned back to Freddie, staring at him in annoyance. He smirked back at me. Oh, how I loathe this boy. "S-Sor…Do I have to say it?" Carly nodded, staring pointedly at the ham. I groaned, and turned back to Freddie. "Sorry I beat you up."

He stared back at me, his lips tugging up higher. I glared back at him, noticing for the first time how brown his eyes were. They were like…chocolate. NO! A chocolaty waterfall flowing softly in a whirlwind of sweet delight. I began to get lost in his amazingly brown eyes.

"Hello?" I heard someone say distantly. I chose to ignore them and continue my daze. "SAM!" I think I jumped ten feet into the air, maybe more.

"Wha…" I asked. I snapped out of my reverie, and wiped the drool from my lips. Gross. "What?"

"What is wrong with you? You were out of it for 3 whole minutes," Carly cried, throwing her hands up for emphasis. I rolled my eyes at her.

"I was…uh…thinking about ham," I lied quickly. "By the way, where's that ham you promised me?"

She seemed to have bought it, for she laughed in amusement and handed me the ham. I stared at the meat in excitement…but, something was off. I looked back at Freddie. Then the ham. Then Freddie. And the ham again. Yep. I knew what it was.

Chocolate is way better than ham.

**A/N- Did ya like it. Did ya? Or did you hate it. I really don't care. As long as I get feeback...**

**But I prefer good feedback. And if I made mistakes or some of it makes zero to no sense, remember. It's midnight, I super tired, and I'm hopped up on sugar. Oh yea, and I'm a kid with a pea-sized brain. Oh, well. REVIEW!**


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